U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
