My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's never too late to be topless.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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