Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
