She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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