Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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