Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
