She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
