I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
