I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
