Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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