i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
