Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Your dad touched me again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
