I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
her vagine was all disorganized.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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