She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
