Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
