smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
