I'm sorry my penis didn't work
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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