I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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