3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This is my gift to your gina
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
