Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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