Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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