2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize