You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
