I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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