i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
