I smell stomach acid.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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