Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
