can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
