Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
