Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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