make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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