Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
