also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
