That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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