I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
