No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
