Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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