Will you blow on my dice?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
