Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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