Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize