Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize