If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
this hospital has no fireball
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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