Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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