the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Someone came in the potted fern
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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