Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
