Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
