He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I love having hate sex.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
