Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
