Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im six kinds of drunk right now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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