the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
