if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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