I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
