btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize