She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
