i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
