so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
