i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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