Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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