Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
