You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
