i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize