I must be too annoying 4 u.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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