this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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