im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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