I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
