I look better un-naked...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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